The Big Adventure"
by N64 Man
Summary: A crossover between Majora's Mask, and Mario, and mentions Perfect Dark and Goldeneye. What happens if Mario is left to save Clock Town? Are they doomed? Probably. Maybe not. Just read and find out. Don't forget to Review, as well!
1. Default Chapter

"The Big Adventure"  
A collaboration between N64 Man and CaranAlice.  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine/ours yadda yadda...  
*Brring! Brrring! Brring!* Link was in his little tree house, sleeping peacefully, when the phone rudely awakened him.   
"Yellow?" he said sleepily.  
"Is this Link?"   
"Yes, this is he. What do you want?"  
"Can you come to the door?" Link sighed and forced himself out of bed, and pulled back the curtains, revealing a short, bald man.  
"Link! Hurry up! If you don't get up and on your horse soon, then you'll never meet the mask wearing imp and lend up saving the world from an evil moon!"  
"Let me guess, this all depends on me?"  
"Yep."  
"But it doesn't matter to you that I still have bruises and scars from my other adventures?" Link pointed out bluntly.  
"But millions of innocent people will die."  
"I bet that the town has a population of less then 100. And even so, I don't care. GET SOMEONE ELSE!" Link pushed the curtains the man's face, and jumped back in bed.   
"But Link..." The man protested in vain, but the hero of time was already snoring loudly.  
"Aww man. Who are we going to get to do this job? Link was the only guy dumb enough to possibly accept. Unless..."  
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The next day, Mario's doorbell rang.  
"Hello?"  
"Who are you?" Mario asked the same short bald man.  
"Never mind that! We need you to save the world from an evil moon and an evil all powerful midget imp!"  
"Let me talk to my brother about that..." Mario said. "The bald man wants me to save the world. I am needed! I must go!"  
"How much is he going to pay you?" Luigi raised an eyebrow.  
"Umm..." the man trailed off. "We can't exactly pay you money... But the odds are you'll get a free fairy."  
"Hmm... Free fairy aye?" Mario imagined a fairy with a frying pan cooking dinner while he sat on the couch watching TV. "I'll go ask my brother."  
"I'm right behind you, Mario."  
"If we do this, we can get a free slave fairy!"  
"I know." Luigi imagined a fairy with a plate full of brownies and milk while he sat at the table waiting for the snacks to arrive.  
"But Mario! Remember the time you tried to take James Bond's place!" Mario thought real hard, and remembered. It was the third level of GoldenEye...  
{the got all fuzzy, and there was a flashback. Mario had just gotten the plane key, and was in a tank, heading for the plane, destroying anything in his place, belting out "DON'T... STOP... THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW! DON'T... STOP... IT'LL SOON BE HERE!" While the screams of the people he was running over were in the background. Mario wasn't watching where he was going, and accidentally crushed the plane that was supposed to carry him to freedom.}  
"And remember the time you tried to fill in for Joanna Dark?"  
{The room became all fuzzy, and Mario remembered. It was just after Elvis rammed into Air Force one, and he had just rescued the president from Trent, and there were many enemies gathered around Elvis. One was right in front of the celebrity, and Mario cocked his gun and fired. Unfortunately, the enemy rolled out of the way at the last minute, and the bullet hit Elvis right in his head.} The room went back to normal, and the memory was gone.   
"I don't care!" Mario protested.  
"Mario! You're gonna end up killing someone, or crushing someone, or killing yourself! DON'T DO IT!" But it was too late, and Mario was out the door, on his way to the newest adventure.  
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	2. Chapter 2

"The Big Adventure" CHAPTER 2  
Mario had just accepted the job to save Clocktown, if not the world, or some combination of the two. The bald man instructed him to get a weapon, so Mario took a stick off the ground, and began to whittle it with his pocket knife for a few minutes, until it had a nice, sharp point. He tested it out by throwing it onto a tree. "My pointed stick of doom is ready!" he called, and went back to the man.   
"Wonderful! Here's a rupee for your troubles. It may be of use to you..."  
"Yay! A rupee! And I haven't even done anything yet." Next, Mario was rushed onto Epona, and told to wander around the woods for a few hours, until he met a mask welding imp. He temporarily forgot he was tone deaf. He got lonely, and began to belt out Matchbox 20 songs.  
"Can you help me I'm bent?!  
I'm so scared that I'll never meet someone named Heather!  
Keep breaking me in!  
And this is how we will live, with you and me...  
BENT!"  
He didn't notice Tatl and Tael spying on him from a tree branch. "Who's he? That's Epona all right, but he's not Link!"  
"This isn't in the script!"  
"What script?" Tatl hinted.  
"You know, the script we're not supposed to talk about?"  
"Oh yeah! That script. We are so fired," she giggled.  
"Wanna go scare his horse?"  
"You know I do."  
The two jumped off the branch and into Epona's face. She didn't neigh.   
"What the heck? She's supposed to neigh..." whispered Tael.  
Abruptly Epona fell over, crushing Mario and knocking him unconscious.  
"I think the mule had a heart attack."  
"Oh well. At least the guy's unconscious..."  
Skull Kid surveyed the scene. "Dang it, you guys? How am I supposed to escape? Tael, get me the crash cart." Tael took out two jumper cables. "Clear!"  
Bzzzt!  
"Asystole!" cried Tael.  
"Clear!"  
"Neeeiggh!" Epona whined.   
"We have a rhythm!" said Tatl triumphantly.  
"Okay, now let's see if the guy has anything on him..." said Tael.  
The searched, but all Mario had was his pointed stick and a rupee.  
"This guy doesn't got *nothing* good on him," complained Tatl.  
"The hat doesn't look so bad..."  
"It'll have to do," said Scull Kid, grabbing the hat. But Mario had been attached to that hat since birth, and knew instantly when someone had taken it off. He got up, fast as lightening, and punched Skull Kid.  
"Ouch! You're not supposed to do that. I'm supposed to take the horse and run, which I think I'll do right now." Skull Kid laughed and rode away with Epona.  
Mario, who could run like the dickens, had no trouble keeping up.   
"Oh God, he's not supposed to be that fast! He's supposed to grab on to the horse, and fall off! Dang it, dang it, dang it!" They passed the giant stump. "That was your cue to fall off or trip or something..." Mario tripped on the roots of the stump, and was temporarily unconscious. Skull Kid was too busy laughing hysterically to watch where he was going. He ran right into a low branch, and was knocked off the horse, also unconscious. While Epona ran off, Tael and Tatl had to carry Skull Kid to his secret lair.  
"My hat! Itsa gone!"  
Mario noticed a tunnel, and ran in. He jumped across the tree stumps, all the way across to the other tunnel, and he slowly walked in. He sang softly "Why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money..." and fell right into the big hole. He fell ... and fell ... and fell ... and fell ... and fell ... and fell ... and ... you get the picture.  
He landed in the water. "Ow!"  
"Another thing went wrong. He was supposed to land in the flower," whispered Tatl.  
"Give me back my hat!"   
"What hat?" asked Skull Kid.  
"The one you're wearing!"  
Skull Kid shook his head of doom, and before ya know it, Mario was a deku scrub.   
"Oh! My beautiful face! It's all ugly! And I'm wearing a skirt! Why me??? First I lose the tennis tournament to a 3 year old, and now this!"  
Mario attempted to tackle skull kid. Tatl lunged at him, but missed and hit the wall, but redirected herself. This time she hit Mario, and knocked him in the water. He lay there, floating like he was dead, while Tatl rammed into him. *Bump bump bump bump* Skull Kid laughed and started to float out the door with Tael. Tael stared, and right before it closed, uttered "Sis?"  
Tatl stopped focusing on Mario, and attempted to drill a hole in the door like a woodpecker. But it was made of stone. "Why doesn't Skull Kid make his doors out of wood? Why'd I have to kill Mario?"  
Mario slowly began to awaken.  
"Yay! Let me out, lemme out, lemme out, lemme out!"  
"Why should I?"  
"I'm a helpless girl who wants to get out of here! We're going to suffocate!"  
"No."  
"But you're going to suffocate, too!"  
"Ah, tochette..."  
Mario opened the door, and slammed it shut on Tatl before she could leave.  
"Okay, one pesky fairy, dead ... another pesky fairy and skull kid to go."  
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"Mm... nuts..." Mario had just found a chest filled with about 10 deku nuts. He popped two in his mouth, and they exploded with a flash. "Mm... Spicy. These are good. I'll save some for later. Wait... skirts don't have pockets." He managed to shove one down his shirt, but mournfully left the other uneaten nuts in the chest.  
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"Yes! Yes! I'm almost out of here!" Mario was relieved beyond belief to see a big, glowing exit sign by two equally large metal doors.   
"Excuse me," said a man. "Don't take me rude, but I've been following you. I can help you save the world, and return you to your true form. But in exchange, you must get me the Skull Kid's mask. That *EVIL* imp stole it from me, so get an instrument, and try to get your hat back. There's a music shop in South Clock town that you can us. Did I mention?" he said with a clandestine smile. "You only have 3 days."  
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	3. Chapter 3

Mario arrived at Clocktown later that afternoon. Despite the fact that it was almost dinner, the town was still extremely busy, preparing for the carnival. There was a slight breeze, it was cooling, but only added to the confusion. Mario made his way to the Clocktown Music Shoppe. There was a flash of brown and green as Mario ran into a Goron, causing them both to fall on their backs. Ironically, the Goron was carrying a highly explosive bag of bombs. When he fell on them, they were activated and he was blown to the moon. "Sorry about that!", Mario yelled, watching the airborne Goron.  
The Goron yelled back, as he flew to oblivion, "No biggie-goro!"  
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Mario finally found his way to the air conditioned South Clock Town Music Shoppe, and emptied his loot on the table in the middle of the room.  
He jumped up to see the cashier, (he'd shrunk considerably as a Deku Scrub), and eagerly asked the woman "What can I get for 1 rupee?"   
The cashier looked around at the Deku pipes, 300 rupees, a beautifully crafted ocarina, 540 rupees, a fishbone Elvis guitar, 459 rupees, and hand crafted Goron drums, 699 rupees, on sale. The cashier furrowed her brows and went to talk to the owner, who was taking a lunch break.   
"A crazy Deku scrub wants to buy something for 1 rupee. What do we give him?" she asked.  
The owner downed the last of his milk, then dug in his pocket. Among the lint he found a blue kazoo. "Give him a choice of this or the empty milk jug." He handed her the items, and she turned on her heels and walked back into the main room.  
"Okay... Sir, you may choose from the empty bottle or the kazoo."  
Mario thought. Kazoos were old and boring. Jugs were new and hip.  
"The jug!" Mario gave him the rupee, and frolicked off happily playing his jug. *fwoop fwoop fwoop fwoop fwoof*   
A splash of water. He couldn't swim. He couldn't swim and carry his bottle.   
Mario was too busy frolicking to notice he had fallen smack dab into the laundry pool. When he surfaced for air he saw a small dab of light. A fairy was on his head. Right before he drown in the water, the magical fairy said "Hear my plea! Take me to North Clock Town and take me to the Great Fairy where I belong." The contact with the fairy restored his air, and he hopped out of the water and dried off.  
"No! Go there yourself!"  
"But I don't know directions," she pleaded in a high, whiny voice.  
"Did you try going in every door? It's what I did."  
"Yes, but I just ended up in Temina Field."  
"Okay, well, can't help ya."  
"But I'll give you money."  
Mario's frolic came to a dead halt. "How much money?" An evil smile played at his lips.  
"You name the price."  
"450 rupees, no more, no less."  
"No!"  
"But this is an escorting mission. I charge extra cuz I don't get to kill anyone."  
"Okay, FINE!" Mario led his new friend, er, customer, to North Clock Town. Mario stepped into the fountain, instantly dirtying the water.   
"Wipe your feet!" cried a million tiny voices. There were a million other fairies! Which one was his? His brain became confused, with all the specks of light. Mario became frightened and ran, but they followed him. He ran screaming back into the laundry pool, yelling at whoever was in the Curiosity Shop to open up, but no one came. They cornered him and transformed, becoming a huge fairy wearing only leaves. Mario screamed, covered his eyes, and prayed for his soul.  
"No, stop! I will give you a magic power!"  
Mario opened one eye and cautiously peered out. "What kind of a magic power?"  
"A magic power that lets you spit bubbles at things."  
"Sweet! I always wanted to do this!"  
There was another large flash of light and he was lifted into the air. When he came back down, his mouth was foaming. "I have rabies!" he cried mournfully.  
"No, you don't. It's just a requirement for the magic power."  
__________  
Mario spun back to regular North Clock town, where he danced and spread music to all the land. But while he was dancing, he tripped in a pot hole and his jug rolled away. He looked up and saw the evil imp who stole his hat. But alas, it was but a balloon.  
"You stupid balloon! You got my hopes up!"   
So Mario killed the balloon with the mightiest spit bubble he could spit. The balloon exploded, much like Cheranoble. The trees were flattened, and the Clock Tower swayed in the burst of wind.   
"Madame Aroma had a heart attack! Awesome!"  
The bombers ran towards their new found hero.  
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Mario was invited to a party back at the bomber's lab, now a local celebrity for having killed the evil balloon.   
"The evil balloon wrecked my lab. It caused a lot of pain here. A great deal of pain, indeed," said the astrologer, looking through his telescope. "Hey... Mario, come look at this. A Moon's Tear!"  
"Who cares? You're looking at the sky when there's a celebration for me? With cake?" he spat.  
"Oh, Moon's Tears are rare jewels that fall from the sky. They're very beautiful and worth a lot of money."  
Ding.  
Mario had to hear no more. He rushed outside and caught the Tear.  
"Booyah! I'm richer then you! In your face!" he screamed while running off. Mario ran off, but the astrologer tried to call him back. "Stop! Not only are you a thief and a dimwit, but Moon's Tears always fall in twos!" The other Tear landed 5 feet away from Mario. He turned to flick the group off, but another hit him on the head. Soon the shiney, sharp, painful rocks were falling all around him. "I knew they fell in double, something triple, but never something like this!"  
While Mario slept, unknowing, giddy villagers ran around him, collecting the Tears. He concealed his under his body, so it remained safe. When he came to, he grabbed his jug and the Tear and was on his merry way to the bank, to check the Tear's cash value.  
"Hmm..." the employee held the jewel over it's head, and closed one eye. "Hmm ... sparkly and elegant."  
"Yes, yes?" Mario said greedily.  
"I'd say about 5 rupees."  
"What?"  
"A whole bunch fell and everybody got one, they aren't really rare. There cash value is down 99%."  
"But I risked my life for that stone!"  
"And I risk my sanity for these kidney stones. That's life."  
__________________________  
Mario sadly waltzed back to wherever home would be. He stepped over a Goron, but neglected to step over a Moon's Tear.   
*Fwoop fwoop fwoop fwoop*... the next sound was of a milk bottle crashing to the ground and slowly rolling to the alley.  
The only thing he knew was that he was being shaken and held by his throat.  
"You moron! That was a gift for my wife!"  
"SSSSTTTOOOPPP!" Mario gasped.  
"She specifically said something shiny! Now I don't have anything! What am I supposed to give her?"  
"FFFOOOIILLL."  
"NO!"  
"HAVE... STONE..." he wheezed, holding it out.   
The angry Deku scrub dropped Mario.  
"I'll give you the stone for flower."  
"Deal. I want to keep my wife."  
Mario didn't know what the flower did, so he lay down in it and enjoyed the comfort. His eyelids got heavy, he began to relax, and as soon as he went limp, he was inside the flower. Then up in the air, as the flower spit him out like bad medicine. He held on for dear life as he soared onto to ledge by the Clock Tower, but there was a door blocking it. *Well this doesn't take a genius...* he took a powder keg, took cover, and plugged his ears. There was a blast, and he came to inspect the damage. Everything but the doors and the bare outline of the tower had exploded and or caught fire. He once again relaxed in the warm blaze, and fell asleep.   
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*Oof* The doors had finally given way, and Mario was lying on the cold, hard stairs. The clock chimed. It was midnight on the eve of the carnival. He was inside the tower. He cleared his head and opened his eyes. There was the imp.  
The evil, cheap, clandestine, ominous imp. Wearing Majora's Mask, and Mario's bright red hat. (Quite a nice combination, might I say...)   
"I constructed a little something for you," Mario said, with a twinkle in his eye. "Meet my bomb launcher." He fired once to North. He missed. There goes the mountains.  
A second time to the South. Bye bye, Deku Palace.  
He fired a third to the East. Stone Tower failed to exist.  
And a final to the West. I haven't the slightest idea how an ocean could burn like that...  
Mario grew angry with his creation and chucked it off clock tower. Then he hurled his pointed stick at the Skull Kid.  
"Ow! My eye! That was uncool!"  
Mario's hat fell through the air, and he grabbed it. He did his little victory dance (the less said the better) and screamed at the Kid "Hahaha! I got my hat back! In your face!"  
The room got fuzzy. Everything was in black and white. Mario had the strangest flashback in the history of flashbacks. It was Princess Zelda. She called him Link. And she had a jug.  
"Whenever I hear this melody, I think of us."  
"Excuse me, do I know you?"   
Zelda played the Song of Time.  
"That's nice, but who the hell are you?"  
The fuzziness ceased, and Mario was back.   
"The moon! It's-a fawling!" cried a strange hillbilly.  
Mario didn't know much, but he knew he should probably do something that was connected with time. The Song of Time! It all fit!  
A D F A D F...  
Once again he was falling down a hole. Falling, falling. The rupees span away from him before he could do anything. Just when he braced himself for his painful landing, he opened his eyes. He was back in Clock Town. He had started over.   
  
And he didn't have his hat.  
  
  



End file.
